I can’t believe it’s been more than a month since I wrote to this space. I’ve had so many things rolling around my head, and so many good experiences. It’s just that I’ve also also crammed my life full of things that required my attention. Plus naps.
What I’ve crammed my life full of is not so much nesting for baby — I’ve been surprised at how little of that I’ve done. Instead, I’ve continued to nest for my own self: picking up design projects by the handful; making time to share coffee with new friends; brainstorming future sewing projects (I’m seriously considering following up on a plan I had last year to start a tiny handmade-goods business).
And in not nesting for baby? I’m not stressed. I’m not anxious that we’ll be without something we need. We have a few bundles of disposable diapers, clothing, toys, a carseat and stroller and now finally a co-sleeper. Almost all of it thanks to other people giving gifts. Really, almost every single bit of what we have for baby is in our home because someone else thought of us. How lucky is that?
I find it pretty strange that I didn’t nest nest nest. It’s what I would have guessed about myself up until just a few months ago. Whatever took its place is a calm and excited person who is just counting down the days until Babybird gets here. I just wanna hold this baby.
Really. That’s it. Get this baby into the world with us safe and sound, and I think that’s all I’ll need.
In the past month …
Pregnancy symptoms have been hard for me to put my finger on as they’re happening — kind of like it’s been hard to notice how big my own belly has gotten. It’s just that I live with them creeping into my life every day, and I get used to them, and they don’t so much seem like symptoms as they do seem like life.
But if I look back, life looks something like this:
» Lower back aches. Usually it feels like a pinched something on one side or the other of my lower spine. A wrong step can make it worse, but for the most part, moving around actually makes it all feel better. I’m grateful for a job that’s kept me on my feet and moving around this whole time; and for the mile-long walk home.
» Baby kicks: deep, deep tickles. The baby’s still moving throughout the day — maybe even with more frequency — but all the action feels more subtle. Probably because s/he’s running out of room! When I do feel something distinctive, it feels like a tickle. Like this baby is tickling my organs. I laugh out loud! This is perhaps one of the most joyous and unexpected parts of pregnancy I’ve experienced so far.
» Mostly solid, uncomfortable sleep. I don’t know how I’ve managed it, but I’ve settled into a long stretch of sleep, interrupted only once by: a trip to the bathroom; followed by tossing and turning (very, very slowly and uncomfortably) for about an hour. Sometimes I fall back to sleep for a few minutes. Sometimes I don’t. By the time I need to be at work, though, I’m ready for the day. So what’s to complain about?
» Everything’s shifting downward. In just the past few days I’ve increasingly felt a strange, uncomfortable downward pressure on my insides. I couldn’t tell you exactly where on my insides — bladder? cervix? I just don’t know enough about my own organs to be clear. But I can only assume this is the baby nestling in before labor. Which is, of course, exceedingly exciting (therefore nullifying the discomfort — which sometimes literally stops me in my tracks).
Over the next … two? three? four? weeks
The baby is due in two weeks! Incredible!
My last day of work is Wednesday. Also incredible, in part because I remember wondering through my second trimester how long I’d last on my feet at work. But to be honest, if not for the concern that I’d go into labor early and put my co-workers in a tizzy trying to cover my shifts, I think I feel good enough to work right up to my due date.
With that in mind — and knowing how prone I am to sitting on my butt all day if I stay at home with no clear goals for the day — my plan after Wednesday is to head into the bakery where I work to be a customer. I’ll be out and about seeing familiar, happy faces, and then I’ll walk myself the mile home. I’ve been working on designing some new cross stitch patterns (I’m pretty happy with the one I made for Babybird, below). So maybe I can make it a point to have those designed and ready to stitch up by the end of this week.
Otherwise, I’ll maybe sweep and mop; make sure my clothes are folded and put away; cook up a big batch of chili to freeze and have ready for when baby gets here and we don’t want to cook. Basically, I’ll take it easy. Take it as it comes. Cross my fingers that I’m a take-it-easy kind of mom …