Monthly Archives: September 2010

a key: single moments

NPR hosted a feature recently asking folks to recount the first piece of classical music they fell in love with. When I first started listening, I thought “what a random feature!” And then I heard something inspiring.

Among the stories was a woman who’d been homeless (read about Ariane Myasaki), working holding a sandwich board. She’d been able to save up enough for a discman, but then only had a few dollars left over; enough to buy a recording of Beethoven (Symphony No. 6, “Pastorale” … listen to it!). She played it as she worked, and in a single moment, it brought her fully into the world around her. And then this:

“Because of that symphony, that moment, I decided to dedicate myself to music. I got my GED. I went to community college and got an Associate’s in Flute Performance, and another in Humanities and Social Science. …”

In a single moment! Her life was changed forever.

me too, please!
It set me to thinking about how I feel suddenly changed. These most recent efforts to get fit, there’s something else in them. It’s not just “I must lose weight,” or “I want to feel good in clothes again.” I am working toward goals I never have before: I want to be fit. I want to be athletic. I want to push my body and see where it takes me. I want to bring myself to challenges and meet them, exceed them even.

This is all incredibly new, and it feels like it sprang from nothing.

I know I’ve felt deeply inspired by a blogger I follow, Ms. Bitchcakes. Her attitude is not to be believed. Her challenges are greater than mine have ever been and she’s found the tools to work through them. I know that in reading her posts something in me clicked. Her blog may be my “single moment.”

But I also know that it’s more than that; and that Ariane Myasaki wouldn’t have turned to music if there wasn’t already something else working inside her to tell her it was right.

single moments: the unplugging
And because I’m set to thinking about things in metaphor, I wondered how it is these single moments work. I came up with this:

Picture a funnel set over a vessel. And I am filling that funnel continuously with various things. The funnel gets heavier, sometimes overflows. Sometimes gets spilled all over the place and I have to start again. So I fill the funnel with all my familiar things. But the vessel remains empty.

And finally, I realize the funnel is plugged. With gunk. “That’s it!” So I unplug it, and then there’s a gush and the vessel is slowly filled with those things I’ve been working so hard to fill it with.

The single moment is the unplugging. But only the unplugging. It lets loose things that have been there all along and finally have a means of escape.

it’ll still be work
I have a feeling all those years Ariane spent in school were difficult, harder still because of where she started.

I don’t assume that my single moment of inspiration will carry me effortlessly through all the changes I have coming. But damn if it doesn’t seem a hell of a lot easier.

stinger, rebuilt

Isn’t she a beaut?

I still haven’t taken it out on a long ride, but Patrick and I tooled around the neighborhood on Saturday. I may have fallen hard for this road bike.

a (mini) new start: reorganizing the office

So, first, some confessions:

We didn’t go on our first long Sunday ride. The weather got in the way, so I don’t have to feel too guilty about this one, and in fact I went to Sunday spin class instead (where I wasn’t as on top of my game as I’d been just a few days before).

I haven’t been counting my points. My excuse? I’ve been building the spreadsheet infrastructure to track those points; I’m figuring out this blog thing; we’ve gone out of town or had other out-of-the-ordinary weekend plans; etc. None of these is a good excuse not to stay on top of my tracking, though.

something that might help? organizing
I’ve long had a thing: where if I sit to eat and I see mess around me, I have to clean up that mess or else I won’t enjoy my meal; when I worked in an office, I kept my desk clean and orderly (sometimes reorganizing every couple of weeks to keep files and such updated).

A cluttered space is a cluttered mind is a weak foundation for making good decisions.

So with me trying to keep up with this blog and all, I thought it might be a good idea to tackle our home office, which has always been a hot mess. My initial attempts to arrange the furniture were amateurish; so the space was treated a bit second-class; so crap was piled high.

a little bit of the before

Hot. Mess. Disorderly, bare, boring. I’ve always felt cramped sitting at the computer desk. And while I won’t claim that what I’ve done to the room has brought cohesion, what it was before just felt … floaty.

And when a cat who loves nesting in boxes thinks the junk piled on your desk is cozy enough to nap in … it’s time.

some things that irked me
The two shelves next to each other. Different fake-wood grain and color! Different heights! Different widths! I feel like we were straddling the dormroom/first apartment look with this here.

The desk with the computer (& friends). Overall, it just bugged me. You can see I backed a shelf against it so it could face into the room. There’s a little side-table next to it to hold a printer, external hardrive, miscellany. Over time it became a weird floating island that gathered garbage.

My desk, abandoned. Without a computer at my desk, I hardly sat there. Instead, I emptied my purse on occasion (that mess is a whole other blog entry). Every now and then I’ve cleaned it off, but within two days its back to being a junk station.

Lonely walls. We have lovely diplomas to display, but they’re too small for the walls where they hang. Plus? Boring! I want color! Something to inspire me when I look at it!

phase one of innumerable phases
I’m nearly certain this will always be a work in progress. I’m not an educated interior organizer lady. Our needs for the space will continue to evolve. I will invariably get bored with my view and want to liven it.

But I’m pretty happy with phase one. It’s clean, open, and there’s art!

I knew going into this that I wanted to move the computer from the righthand desk to the left one; to move one of those two mismatched shelves behind that left desk; and that was it, actually. My aim was to create an open space to sit and write, with books, notebooks and pens handy for my inspired moments.

I took advantage of the opportunity (me? organizing an entire room? it’ll happen again, but not for many months) to find homes for some of the errant scraps in those heaps, and I otherwise rearranged and straightened to create a bigger feel for the room.

I love it!

new goal: sunday bike rides

So, in the midst of our 14-mile bike ride this past Sunday, I had a thought: What if Patrick and I make weekly bike rides a thing? And what if I push myself a bit and say they should aim to be at least 20 miles?

reasons i love this idea
Spending time with Patrick, on a bike. My husband has loved riding since he was in high school (middle school?). I grew up in a house of cycling boys, but I never picked it up myself. So I have the tools to join in, I just don’t. Well, I think Patrick would feel all warm and fuzzy if he could share in one of his favorite past-times with his wife. (I also plan on helping him brew beer, but that’s a whole other blog entry.)

Getting my butt used to being in the seat. The notion of just getting on a bike and going … it’s so appealing. It’s liberating, it’s exhilarating. But when I get on a bike now, my butt gets sore and fast. My legs wear out easily. Labored breathing, squinty eyes, sweating, grimacing. A whole bucket of things. I figure the more I get on the bike and set out on a long ride, the faster those things will fade back. I doubt they’ll go away, and if nothing else I may simply get used to living with them. But the bottom line is that I’ll be able to focus on the liberating and exhilarating.

The landscape from a bike. How about soaking up the sounds and smells of a place? There are no walls (or rolled-up windows) between me and what I’m passing alongside. And the landscapes themselves will be different. Patrick’ll plot out our routes and I’m certain he’ll choose as many back roads as possible. Life is better on a back road.

short-term plans
Sunday, September 26 – Patrick’s going to put the finishing touches on Stinger today (so excited!!), and we may head out to House Mountain. Some challenges: Patrick’s sick today, so he might not be well enough to hop on his bike; and this’ll be my first ride on a road bike. CAN I HANG??

Monday, October 4 – Our two-year wedding anniversary! So we’ll shift our Sunday ride to Monday. The day will go something like this: I’ll bake that morning, come home, hop in the car and we’ll head to Cades Cove, armed with a picnic lunch and snacks. The loop is 11 miles, and we may even park our car in Townsend to add 9 miles to and 9 miles from the park … total of 29 miles!! Not to mention that the ride to the park will include a steady climb up the side of a small mountain (if I remember correctly). We’ll picnic at Cades Cove, and when we get home, make each other our traditional dinner: Chicken Cordon Bleu (made by Patrick for me, by the way), and I’ll make him a surprise dessert (top secret!).

long-term plans
I’d love to steadily add about 5 miles to these rides as I feel like I’m ready for a new challenge. And one day, I’d love for these to be 50-mile rides. I have no idea if this is more than I should be able to expect of myself, but I’m not ready to impose limits until I actually push up against and am pushed back by those limits.

birthday weekend: celebrating year 29

I always find ages funny, because I celebrated turning 29 years old, but I actually began my 30th year on this here earth. So I suppose our birthdays commemorate the year we just finished? Yay! Made it through year 29! Have cake.

Or beer, as the case may be.

Patrick bought Brewgrass Festival tickets the first day they went on sale. Good thing, because they sold out within 24 hours of being posted. Months ago.

The festival just so happened to coincide with the weekend leading up to my birthday, so we booked a room at the Princess Anne Hotel, where we stayed for our honeymoon. The place is a gorgeous, old building and staffed by some of the most friendly service-folk I’ve met. Also … breakfast. Delicious. Local. Homemade. I meant to take pictures, but I kept forgetting my camera. I’m sure we’ll return.

saturday
The weekend was full of indulgence and commenced with beer at Standard Pizza Co.
(new favorite!) and a sampling of regional beers and bluegrass music. I had only about four or five tasters before I sat out the rest of the afternoon.

sunday
Patrick and I headed out on an aimless bike ride. We passed through The UNC-Asheville campus, where Patrick spotted an apple tree and we had ourselves a little snack. I gotta say, that was pretty satisfying — seeing fruit growing in the wild and just taking it.

We rode up to the Grove Park Inn (amazing and fantastical looking hotel), and I gotta tell you, I’m proud of my sore ass. I got my butt out of my seat to climb even though I hate doing it; I rode down a hill and clocked my highest speed yet, at least 33 miles an hour. Totally exciting.

For lunch? We’re die-hard 12 Bones fans, but the River Arts District location (our favorite of the two) is closed on the weekends, so we tried out Luella’s Bar-B-Que.

It was good, but it was no 12 Bones.

I give credit where it’s due, though. The smoked sweet potato chips were inspiring. I’ll be trying my hand at some soon. If my version is good, I’ll write about ‘em.

And then? A nap before beer and dinner. More like trying to nap while catching a half-hour of Tomb Raider 2 … terrible idea. What wasn’t a terrible idea? The beer.

Patrick and I headed to Craggie Brewing Company, the newest of a dozen breweries in the Asheville area, and I think it found its place just fine. When we got there, a couple of people were already sipping on their free flight of beers, won by bringing in their favorite vinyl. I can’t remember what was playing, but I remember thinking that was about the coolest way to get new customers.

monday (birthday day!)
How I wish wish wish I’d remembered my camera for breakfast at Princess Anne! I got the granola, yogurt & fruit because I knew we’d be eating 12 Bones with my parents for lunch. It was adorable granola. It had sesame seeds! I took notes.

And lunch at 12 Bones? Delicious as always, and got what I usually get, the sides platter. Always enough. More than enough. Indulgent, delicious, down-home.

the difference between kicking ass & being kicked

I’ve been leaving my spin and abs classes thinking/saying/growling that the aforementioned class “just kicked my ass.”

My goals include participating in those classes 100%, because I get halfway through them and feel overwhelmed. I’ve finished every class, but not without at least a moment (or several moments in a row) of pulling back, resting, cringing.

And that’s usually when the ass-kicking begins. The rest of class is me just struggling to keep up and get to the end.

Not to say I don’t leave those classes feeling good about myself. Because invariably I’m impressed that I didn’t just quit altogether; and the physicality of it always does that adrenaline thing. But my ass? Kicked. For sure.

and then i did the ass-kicking
So then I had this experience during my most recent spin class.

One of my favorite leaders was in front of class (she’s ebullient and encouraging and challenging as heck); the room was full; and every time she told us to increase intensity, I did. And every time she said to stand up, I did. Hover? I did it.

Because every time I thought “oh lord I can’t,” I turned that off and thought instead “I’ll just try.” It was as simple as that. I decided I’d attempt the climbs, the hovers, the ridiculous resistance.

And by god I got through it. Nearly all. I had to pull back near the end, but only because my body couldn’t physically do it.

And when I left class, I thought “I just kicked ass.”

Which of course immediately made me wonder what made that class different than the others.

I don’t think my fitness has improved so much to answer for the difference; I wasn’t loaded with coffee; the best answer I could come up with was that when I was faced with challenge, I decided I’d take it on.

this is what it looks like being kicked in the ass:
Challenge: Wanna take a go?
Me: No.
Challenge: Haha. I won!

this is what it looks like when I kick ass:
Challenge: Wanna take a go?
Me: Duh.
Challenge: Oh reeeaaaally?
Me: Umm, yeah, why not?
Challenge: Oh, well, uhhh … OK, then.
Me: Haha! I. WON.

I won’t cross 100%-spin-class goal off my list yet; I’d like to see how I do over the course of several weeks of classes. But I’m headed the right way.

favorite meals: oats, fruit & soy bowl

Look at all this beatiful food. So much. So delicious. It’s often breakfast, or my post-gym meal. And I like it cold. Also, a recent discovery: tupelo honey. It’s hard to make out, but there’s just a bit drizzled in the bowl.

I’ve never been a big honey girl, but then I heard an interview with Grace Pundyk, who wrote The Honey Trail. From the sound of it, she was inspired to write the book after her experience eating Yemini honey. She talked about the terroir of honey, and mentioned Tupelo honey (from norther Florida, harvested only briefly each year). It got me curious.

I bought some on a whim, and if it isn’t the most floral, earthy honey I’ve ever tasted …

Now I’m eager to explore as many kinds of honey as I can get my hands on (I’m also trying to convince Patrick that he’d make an excellent beekeeper).

oat, fruit & soy bowl, 5.5 points
quick oats (1 oz), 1.5 pts
wheat germ (1/4 oz), 0.5 pts
soy milk, plain or vanilla (4 oz), 1 pt
banana (2 oz), 1 pt
apple (4 oz), 0.5 pts
blueberries (1 1/3 oz), 0 pts
blackberries or raspberries (2 oz), 0 pts
honey (1/4 oz), 1 pt

no limits, i promise

I think limits are natural, and a defense mechanism. They keep us from doing something dangerous or stupid that could land us in, say, the hospital for, say, trying to leap from the second story of a building just to see what’ll happen when we land.

But limits can be dangerous, too, I think.

For instance, I mentioned in my about page that I want to be athletic, but that I’d assumed for a long time it was something I couldn’t expect for myself. Why? Because I had this notion that it was out of my reach; beyond my limits.

It’s not like I’d ever actually attempted to be athletic and failed, though. And I certainly hadn’t attempted it over and over and failed, the way you really should to understand that something is off-limits to you.

I just put a little wall between me and this thing, and I decided it wasn’t worth trying to overcome (because, remember? I’m lazy).

So no more limits. Even when things get hard. Because if I establish limits, I establish the points at which I’m willing to give up.

practically speaking?
- Practically speaking, it means I’m aiming for the stars with that 18% body fat goal (the lady athletes come in at between 14% and 20% body fat);

- practically speaking, it means I’m going to push harder when I’m ready to quit (Patrick and I did a 14-mile bike ride Sunday; I climbed hills with my butt *out* of the seat, even though I hate doing it);

- and practically speaking, it means on bad days, when I think having a bad day means I’m not good enough to make this work, I’m just gonna shut the fuck up and put that bullshit in its place.

weekly progress: 9/6-9/12 (week 1)

Note: I’ll post updates on or near Sunday every week, going over my previous week’s accomplishments (or lack thereof), along with photos and my stats. My first post is several days late but all the numbers are from Sunday, September 12; and post no. 2 will be a few days late, too (what with my birthday weekend coming up!).

*ahem* No, I’m not pregnant. This is what my stomach does when I carry around extra weight (and I’ve vowed to suck in absolutely nothing for these photos). I think what’s clear is that while I’m relatively petite, I don’t have the athletic profile I’m after. I am so excited to see how my body changes with this new intention to get fit.

Current weight: 121.4
Difference: n/a

Body fat: 26.2%
Difference: n/a

Goal weight*: 105.7

Inches (bust / waist / hips / arms / thighs / calves):
33 / 33.5 / 44 / 10 / 22 / ?
Difference (bust / waist / hips / arms / thighs / calves):
na / na / na / na / na / na

Weekly mini-goals:

Drink 64 oz. water a day yes / no
Take daily vitamin yes / no
One refined-sugar treat a week yes / no
5-6 visits to the gym a week yes / no

Weekly mini-goals? Fail.

I’m not gonna beat myself up too much over these, but I absolutely must improve them. The water is probably the easiest and one of the most important. I feel so gross and low-energy when I’m dehydrated. I also swear I translate thirst into hunger, and that I reach for food when I should be reaching for water.

My vitamin goal is also so simple, and yet I find it so hard to check that off my daily to-do list. Proposed habit: wake up, eat an apple, take the vitamin, walk the dog.

The gym goal is ambitious, and somehow so is the refined-sugar goal. Maybe because I work for a bakery?

So, forgiveness all around, with good intentions lining the road ahead.

* Goal weight is recalculated each week based on current body fat percentage, and a goal of 18%. Calculation: CW – (CW x (CBF / 100)) x 1.18; where CW=current weight, CBF=current body fat percentage.

my bike (as of yet unnamed … maybe stinger?)

Yeah, I think Stinger. She’ll be yellow and black (with a little extra color thrown in). And we’re Beesons in this house. Stinger seems just about right.

She might not look like much right now:

But Patrick’s in the middle of a rebuild. The frame used to be a whole bike, which used to belong to my mom, who gave it to me several months ago. It sat unused in our garage, and then after lots of casual conversations about how to update it, Patrick got a fire under his butt and did it. (Thank goodness, because if it was up to me, it never would have gotten done; I love a husband who knows how to take apart and put together bikes).

He’ll add these bull-horn handles (to be covered in black tape):

(by Nitto)

- a new seat
- new break levers
- tires that Patrick had (on another bike? laying around? It’s a mystery.)
- and a new helmet for me (in black)

Hey, so you know what this means? I actually have to ride my bike. A lot. Because there’s this effort put into it now, and purpose.

Maybe I should set up some little goals for me and my new bike.

goals for me & my new bike
This whole being best friends with a bike thing is completely new, so I’ll start pretty green. That’s just fine with me. I have plenty of time ahead with my butt planted in that seat.

Best friends forever (??)

Neighborhood ride! Start simple. Our neighborhood is quiet and family friendly, which means I’m not worried about the cars riding up and down the narrow-ish roads. Another thing about it, though, is the hills: just challenging enough for a newbie like me. I’ll see if Patrick can hook up the bike speedometer for me so I can work on increasing the length of my rides. I wonder if I can do a 10-mile ride without any backtracking …

Neighborhood ride, phase 2: take the puppy. Patrick, who has not only bike mojo but puppy mojo, sometimes takes Saazie on a bike ride. I’ve tagged along once, on my own bike, and it looked easy enough (except for that one moment that she decided to dart across his path and kinda sorta knock him around). If I could conquer the bike with a dog, then … “hi, I’m awesome; how are you?”

Recreate our 23-mile bike ride from Sunday. I took a mountain bike on our last ride (another hand-me-down, from Patrick’s mom. Pattern?). The positioning will be different on this new bike, the tires a little narrower, a different braking and handlebar setup. I mean, it’s a road bike, which I’ve never riden. Ever! Well, once. And it was this very bike, but probably 15 years ago. And it frightened the hell out of me. Something about the handlebars being so low.

Ride to Metro Pulse. I do part-time work for Metro Pulse once a week, in the afternoon and into the evening. I want to wait for the weather to get cooler so I don’t get to the office stinky. But autumn is officially a week away. So I won’t be able to use weather for an excuse much longer. My biggest challenges with this ride will be 1) being in shape enough to make it and look respectable; and 2) feeling confident enough sharing the road with cars to make the ride by myself (having Patrick on long rides gives me an incalculable boost of confidence).